The week/weekend in Chaos…..

Sorry I haven’t posted in a while, this past week and weekend was pretty hard…..

Anyways, to recap those of you who actually read.

Wednesday was a “Pass Day” for Bubba, this is where we get him for “x” hours during the day and then we take him back.
So Wednesday was a long pass, we had therapy and this was ok we were dealing with Boo’s issues and Bubba did a mind blowing speech to during this. Afterwards we came home and cleaned Bubba’s room and then Boo and J took a nap and Bubba played video games. It wasn’t until we went to take Bubba back ate dinner that Boo couldn’t find “Isabella” <–this is her cat I had ordered from Scentsy that she is obsessed with— LITERALLY! So starting at 7pm Wednesday evening Boo was in meltdown mode for 2 days! Talk about hell! I being a awesome mom (well I think so) went into rampant search mode, we couldn’t find this cat anywhere in the house, so then I went online…..Only to find out said cat and scent bag were retired! I freaked! So I went on eBay and Amazon found some but it would be some time before I could order them… So fast forward into the next (atleast) 36 hours, while I’m cleaning and I stepped on a pillow in Bubba’s room and find……YUP ISABELLA!!!! THANK GOD! I was the “BEST MOMMY” <—– my daughters words, I told her to remember that when she said she hated me again!

That was all between Wednesday and Friday.

Now on to Friday,

We had an overnight pass with Bubba, this means he comes home like a normal pass only he stays til the next day, so Saturday. This was his first one and it was rough not gonna lie, I won’t go into details per say. We didn’t expect perfection we knew he would be excited and hyper but it just went down hill from the get go it seemed like. Oh well moving on…..

We played a couple games of Monopoly (the new one) and it was fun, my husband said monopoly should come with divorce papers because when you play people get butt hurt lol.

Saturday comes and I have a Tupperware party to go to, I have the hubby bring me our little Pomeranian to get her a haircut, while at a friend’s house she gets dropped and breaks her front paw. Yes this is her second break cause we just went through this less than a month or so ago! Needless to say this puts our plans for the concert we wanted to attend by the waste side 😦

I swear October can not get here fast enough!

Anyways, here we are on Sunday, after the stress of yesterday I had forgotten my ID in hubby’s car, Hubby was at work today so I had to message him and have him bring it to me….Yet overall was a pretty semi lazy day, I did clean (I swear what is the use in cleaning? It’s just going to be destroyed again!) and scanned more papers into my computer. This week is going to be very busy! Between appointments and functions to attend my parents are also coming to visit.

I know this post didn’t seem as HORRIBLE as i put but if you had been here it was pretty bad, sorry for no juicy details…. lol.

Stay Tuned for the next post….

Life in a Nutshell part 3.

11236548_685166334848951_4784100277781714507_n This is J, (nickname) Again this is to respect my children’s privacy. If you know myself or my children please keep it to yourself. 

This is my final and third “mini me” and boy does he show it!

Currently he is 10 almost 11 months! I can’t believe he will be 1 soon! Time does fly with kids I swear!

He is currently teething which lately has been HELL, but he tries to be a happy baby. He is a charmer ladies so watch out!

Every where we go he flashes his big grin and every body melts, but all of my kids were like that.

When J was born we thought for the first 2-3 months he was deaf or atleast had hearing loss, he gave us quite a scare. He wouldn’t respond what so ever to any noise and with 2 older loud siblings that says something! So we talked to his Dr (who by the way is a joke!) and she kept brushing us under the rug. So I contacted a friend of mine and she was very adamant about getting him looked at, so during one of Boo’s Devo Peds appts I went over J’s Dr head and talked to the Devo Peds Dr and had him put in a referral and within a couple weeks we had an appt. I was amazed and so happy.

We took J to the appt, which was a “normal” hearing test which he hated, and he failed that test. They wanted us to do a more extensive test so it was booked out for a few more weeks. I went home and was freaked out thinking Oh my God J is going to be deaf! How are we going to handle this? How are we going to explain this to the other 2 kids? List goes on and on, (as you can tell by know, maybe? I am a HUGE worrier) Well, the day came for us to do the final test, took us forever because he didn’t want to corporate. Go figure right? FINALLY, we get everything set up and running, I kept looking at the machine and J.

What seemed like forever finally ended and she informed us his hearing was fine! *Deep sigh of relief* Apparently she said he could’ve failed the first test due to a high amount of fluid on his ears or he possibly couldn’t hear. Yet everything seemed fine now. So we had come to realize that our little minion decided to play a cruel joke on Mom and Dad by being stubborn, that’s how I say it and want to use it so I will. Now we kinda have a funny story, I guess.

Now he is walking and speaking baby gibberish (working on words……Not getting any luck) All of a sudden he thinks the word “book” is hilarious! I have no idea why but that’s our family for you.

I will keep updating with pictures and posts as all 3 kids grow…..

Stay tuned for Bubba & Boo’s first day of school post, which should be interesting….. 🙂

Life in a Nutshell part 2.

10349888_10153408157749469_8497777236243709338_n This is Boo (nickname) Again this is to respect my children’s privacy. If you know myself or my children please keep it to yourself. 

This little girl is my “mini me” *atleast that’s what everyone says* She has an attitude that could go on for miles, very independent and sassy, but also very intelligent. Boo, is four years old going to be five soon and starts Kindergarten soon and she is so very excited!

We’ve had a rough summer, Boo is my second SN child. Towards the end of the school year she was DX with ADHD and ODD (oppositonal defiant disorder). Yet just like her older brother they were wrong! She has ADHD but has a Mood Disorder as well as severe seperation anxiety. We noticed the anxiety very quickly, now it’s to the point she carries around a stuffed cat every where she goes. *Thank God for Scentsy* Now to figure out how to handle this with school. Fingers crossed that the teacher understands.

Boo talks 5 miles a minute from the moment she gets up till the moment she goes to bed. Also doesn’t know a stranger to save her life, overall she is just a ball of energy. Needless to say I learn from her just like I do from her older brother daily. She is involved in Gymnastics and Ballet, she was in swimming lessons but all of a sudden she became scared shitless of the water. Last year she was like a fish and now she is lucky if she will go swimming.

We go through phases like any other kid, so right now she is obsessed with My Little Pony, but she loves Avengers and Sonic the Hedgehog. I am lucky because my kids do love a lot of various things, and even borderline nerdy.We just went through Harry Potter (still kinda are) phase. She will grab a pencil and wave it around saying spells from the movie and her enthuseism is just amazing.

As always we are still a work in progress but I love my little, lets just hope and pray my mothers curse calms soon 🙂

Life in a Nutshell part 1.

Wyatt & Mom This is Bubba (nickname) I am keeping my children’s names out of it for privacy reasons. So please if you know us respect this rule. Thank you 🙂

I would like to say if you start this post please read til the end, it’s not all bad just some history.

This little man is my oldest, he is almost 9, (geez, I can’t believe it!) Anyways, we have been through a lot together, both him and I, but also as a family. I bet just from looking at him you wouldn’t know he is SN (special needs) Amazing but he is. What we didn’t know was up until now he has Schizophrenia & OPD (other psychotic disorder), Depressive Disorder, ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), ODD (Oppositonal Defiant Disorder), as well as Anxiety. This kid is one of the strongest I have seen in a while and I have met a lot of NT (neuro-typical) kids and SN kids. I say this because through everything he still tries to have a positive outlook on life (something I struggle with daily).

Since 2013 he has been through 12 hospitalizations, 2 of which are residential. Am I bragging? HELL NO! I wouldn’t wish this on anyone including my enemies, *which I have a lot of apparently* He tries, and tries whether it’s pleasing people or loving random people. When I want to give up I tell myself I can’t even for him, when you have doctor after doctor telling you this is one of the most complex cases they have seen in a while that light at the end of the tunnel dims.

Bubba was DX (diagnosed) with ADHD at the age of 2, (yes I know that sounds bad) he went from taking naps to staying awake all the time, sneaking/wandering away from us, and this kid never knew a stranger in his life and still doesn’t. When my husband and I got married in 2009 we moved away from home for his job. This is when things went a little downhill, he was still doing the staying awake for hours/days on end and then would finally crash. We tried everything, it got worse and he became destructive and started SIB (self injury behavior). I took him to the doctor and they referred us to a specialist as well as psychologist, and psychiatrist. The psychiatrist was a JOKE! Literally, he would give us a medicine for Bubba and either two weeks or week he would switch, we never knew what was helping. I was young and stupid and had just been thrown this curve ball of chaos, we all make mistakes but you live and learn right? (It took me a while)

Fast forward to 2012 when we had moved (yet again) we took Bubba to a Devo Peds (developmental pediatrician) after doing some testing and questions and hours of paperwork the Dr. came back with a DX of Autism. Jaw dropping, glass shattering news for us, we never expected this, we knew something was going on but never expected that. From there we were left empty handed with no resources and basically on our own. I reached out to what people and resources I could and researched every DX that had given Bubba. We went back every so often to the Devo Peds Dr, finally I was at my wits end and he had suggested ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) therapy. I started calling different companies and finally found one that accepted us and had room for us. Bubba and I worked with this company for about 4-6 months, it was NOTHING like I was told from other parents, table work (aka “homework”) is all they did 2 hours a night 2 days a week, that’s 4 hours a week! This is a child who had meltdowns for hours just us trying to get him to do school work. After meetings and nothing improving we fired them and went back to the Dr.

This is where I was fuming and by the end of the appointment wanted to burn half a city down, the Dr proceeds to tell me ABA might not be what he needs. WAIT!?!?!?! What???? You are telling me this months later, $200 later!!!! Needless to say I was seeing red and the Dr was scared from the look on my face. I was completely lost, here we had wasted time, money and energy on a therapy that wouldn’t help him. We already had Speech and OT (occupational therapy) which was slowing helping.

In 2013, Bubba was hospitalized for the first time, the feeling that day was horrible. When it was all said and done I wanted to talk to nobody and I mean NOBODY. I didn’t cry, I didn’t break…..NOTHING…….Am I a horrible being? Maybe or maybe not, only people that have been through it can say yes or no. Yet even then every situation is different. That was the beginning of a long and on going journey for all of us. This hospital got him stabilized and he was sent home, we tried to help, its not always easy when even you don’t understand what is going on with your child.

In January of 2014 we found out we were pregnant with #3. Mind you we find out when Bubba went into the hospital for a procedure, yeah that was fun…..NOT! From there it seemed to get worse, a lot of you will say well he didn’t like having another sibling…..Maybe, but he didn’t even acknowledge this baby for the longest time. In April after my husband had left for his job, I had taken Bubba in to see his psych Dr because he had decided to pull a knife on me and threatened to kill his sister (in graphic detail) so an emergency trip happened. The Dr decided, “Oh! we just need to up his medicine……” If only looks could burn and kill……..Right??? Anyways we go on, finally I got fed up with Dr, teachers, therapists and so on not believing me. When he ran out of one of his meds, I took him completely off. Bad idea? Maybe…..ok well yeah life became hell, but it got my point across. The very first day within less than an hour at school the teacher calls me. This went on for a week, bad reports from school daily, meltdowns for hours from hell, yet we endured it to prove our point. WE NEEDED HELP and we needed the right medicine.

I had to take him to the ER a couple of times, after sitting in a completely empty room, with a screaming meltdown child, for hours they finally decided to admit him to the children’s ward until they could find a bed. This took 3 days and finally he was going to be sent to a residential hospital. He would be close but not at home. So I made the drive to this place for a tour, while he was in an acute care hospital  and this was when I was told he was approved by insurance to be placed there. I transported him a day after he got out, not even home for 24 hours.  We drove up and spent hours doing intake, this was the longest I ever had to do this, and I was doing it alone. The empty feeling I had was harder than anything before, when everything was said and done we went to his room and we put everything away and then I would leave, we sat on the couch and it was at that moment he broke. When I looked at him and saw tears in his eyes, I broke too. I couldn’t look at him without crying, I kept telling myself I had to be strong for him and to not cry. Yep that didn’t happen, by the time I was out the door I was a wreck. I then left and traveled back.

Bubba was at RTC (residential treatment center) for 119 days. When he was finally released and able to come home he lasted less than 30 days at home before going back in to the hospital for Acute Care. This went on for months until the end of Jan 2015, when he was yet again admitted to a RTC, this time I had hope! I felt comfortable with this staff and believed my son would be in good hands. I was right, we have been making progress, hit some bumps in the road but still traveling.

My son, even though the above may seem all bad had good days, he has a heart, he has some much love, and is so brilliant I can’t even begin to explain it.

He is amazing with electronics, loves reading, and is an astounding problem solver! His way of thinking is just so profound it’s mind blowing. I always tell people he is like a computer just hardwired backwards, his brain runs faster than his mouth sometimes so this is why it is hard for him to talk and get things out. He gets frustrated but he will try his best.

I love this kid to death and even through all my mistakes he still loves me. I haven’t always been the greatest for him but I try and I will keep fighting for him no matter what!

Thanks for reading this very long post. If you made it through I applaud you 🙂

Signing off for tonight!


To start off this is MY blog, not sure how deep it will be or how much information I will be sharing. (That is still up for debate) I will say this I will be honest, I don’t sugarcoat things. If I am posting names will be omitted, if you know myself or my family please keep that to yourself. You will be accepted here and not judged because that is the point of this, I am tired of being the accepting and not being accepted. So without further ado……Let’s get on with the show 🙂

I am a SAHM (stay at home mom), married, a geek/nerd, have 3 kids, and planning on starting school in January. My life revolve around my kids (literally) from doing “normal” mom things to running to numerous doctor appointments, therapies and so on. I tend to stay to myself anymore after being wronged so many times. I’ve learned you can’t always trust people and honestly that is sad. Yet life goes on.

I have tried my hand at “blogging” many times but can never keep up with it. Maybe it’s because I was too busy or maybe my ADD, hell who knows. I am trying again because I need an outlet of some sort. I need people who truly get being that percent of not being accepted. Like I said before above this blog is mine, I will run it how I see fit. With that said it will be funny (hopefully), serious, and everything in between. If you need help I will reach out to help you whether it’s resources, or a listening ear, but I do and will have respect for my readers and followers.

With that being said please stay tuned for future posts.